PARENTING TIPS

NBPSDHU - Active Parenting Tips

You cannot spoil an infant by responding to her/his needs.  

• Crying newborns who receive a quick, warm response usually learn to cry much less and sleep more at night. This also helps the baby's feelings of trust and safety.

75% of human brain development occurs after birth.  

• To a far greater extent than other species, humans have brains that are dependent on environmental input.

By age three, a child's brain is twice as active as an adult's.

• As a child reacts to stimulation, new connections are formed in the brain.  The vast majority of these are formed in the first three years. 

A parent's face is your baby's favourite toy.

• Your baby tries to send you signals and see how you respond.  They love it when your expression reinforces their own, such as when they smile and you smile back.

"Secure" children are best prepared for school and life.

• When your child feels safe and secure in a loving relationship, their brain better absorbs and handles all the new input coming their way.

No one parent is alone - even if you are.

• All parents need a strong support system - family, neighbours, professionals and community services.  Taking care of yourself is important too.

PREPARING FOR PARENTHOOD

As you prepare to become a parent remember it is normal to:

Experience Highs and Lows

• Pregnancy can be an emotional high as well as an emotional low.  Often when expectant parents are feeling low they forget that such feelings are normal.  As excited as one may be about the life growing inside, it is easy to become overwhelmed by a sense of responsibility and concerns about the impact this baby will have on their life.

• Pregnancy is a time of emotional and physical change so it is natural to feel overwhelmed with different kinds of emotions.

Have Lots of Worries

• It is normal to question whether or not you will be a good parent or whether the baby will be normal.  There are available community resources to support new parents and help them develop their skills and confidence in parenting.  All parents need help - do not be afraid to ask.

• Discuss any worries you may have with someone you trust and feel comfortable with.  This may be your doctor, midwife, public health nurse, a friend or a member of your family.

Require Extra Emotional and Physical Support

• During pregnancy it is natural to feel the need for extra support both emotionally and physically.

• It is normal to feel irritable and moody at times, while feeling thrilled at other times.

To Help Yourself:

EAT WELL

• A healthy lifestyle that involves eating well (according to the recommended nutritional requirements for pregnant women), staying active, and regular care throughout pregnancy are some of the things you can do that will contribute to you and your baby's short and long term health.

RELAX

• Make time for yourself on a daily basis.  It is important that you give yourself time to relax and enjoy your pregnancy.

EXERCISE

• Daily physical activity such as walking will help you reduce any stress you may be feeling (making sure your doctor has approved all physical exercise).

PLAN AHEAD

• Plan ahead as much as possible.  This may apply to your workplace or your home.  At work, organize things so you can leave your job with everything in order.  At home, you may want to get the baby's things ready, or prepare an older sibling for the new arrival.

" The years before five last the rest of their lives."

THE BUILDING BLOCKS OF PARENTING

Building self-esteem:

• Value each child's uniqueness
• Notice and respond to good behaviour, small improvements and special abilities
• Provide comfort to children when they feel hurt, upset or in danger
• Structure situations to help children experience feelings of success
• Help children cope with failure

Building personal skills:

• Children have so much to learn.  Encourage all areas of development:

1. Gross motor: rolling, sitting up, walking, running, skipping
2. Fine motor: grasping, handling small toys, building
3. Self-help: toileting, eating
4. Social: relating to others
5. Emotional: handling emotions
6. Intellectual: thinking, creating and problem-solving
7. Language: communicating to and understanding others

• Be a sensitive teacher.  Try not to overwhelm a child with too much at once.
• Follow the child's lead. Most opportunities for learning occur naturally.
• Encourage pretend play.  It builds imagination and helps children practice their new skills.
• Provide expectations about when, where and how to use these skills to meet the expectations of your home and those of your community too.

Building good behaviour:

• Draw up a short list of "bottom-line" rules
• Give reasons for the rules to help children understand their importance
• Provide a united front with other caregivers about the rules
• Be flexible for some issues, and let the child express his/her views around it

Building a joy:

• Give each child a special individual time
• Smile frequently.  It enhances brain development
• Find activities you and your child enjoy together
• Remember, ordinary daily activities like walks and reading at bedtime are as important as special trips
• Create and keep alive good, warm memories through family traditions, photos, special events and doing things together

GUIDING CHILDREN'S BEHAVIOUR

1. Express your love and respect for your children each day.
2. Notice children's good behaviour and their efforts to make things work.
3. Planning ahead, to provide a safe play space with interesting and age-appropriate activities.
4. Be predictable by providing a routine, being consistent, and following through on consequences.
5. Set up reasonable limits, expectations and consequences that relate to each child's age and temperament.
6. Communicate rules, limits and consequences clearly.
7. Gradually teach your child to handle a range of emotions.
8. Redirect, distract or use humour to help a child calm down.
9. Offer choices and let them learn from consequences.
10. Model problem-solving, negotiating and understanding of others, as well as the behaviours you want your children to have....teach and lead instead of using force.

Remember:

• BE FIRM BUT HAVE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
• IT TAKES TIME FOR CHILDREN TO LEARN ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR

For further information, contact the North Bay Parry Sound District Health Unit office nearest you:

North Bay office: (705) 474-1400, extension  2285
Parry Sound office: (705) 746-5801
Toll Free: 1-800-563-2808

Adapted from Landy, Sarah (1997, in press) Pathways to competence